For anyone who knows me personally, you’ll know that I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder. Most of the time I have it in check, but I can be the world’s worst worrier. I can reel off a list of worries about things that might happen, over analysis in to how someone said something to me, the fact I forgot to say hello to a lone magpie and a million and one things in between. And there in lies the trouble with making new friendships in my thirties. Am I interesting enough? Do I look like someone you would like to hang around with? What do I actually do for ‘fun’, other than sit in my pjs and think about the things I could be doing?
It’s not that bad. I do have a social life… I just like to keep it contained and close to my heart. I think being an only child has a lot to with the fact that I tend to have friendships that are more like family connections. My best friend, for example, is not my best friend. She is for all intents and purposes, my sister. Like a step sister. No DNA involved, but the amount of times we’re asked if we’re sisters and the weird ‘ESP’-type tinglings we seem to have when the other one is sick or unhappy… there’s definitely an incredibly strong connection. Six years down the line, she’s the last ‘new’ friend I’ve made.
If anything, when you’re in your thirties it seems to be the time for ‘make or break’ with people who are in your life. I was friends with one person for 25 years and then one day… it just stopped. No reason, No Birthday card. No ‘Merry Christmas’ and then a year became two and two became “oh… I guess we’re not friends now.” I think that’s what scares me with relationships of any kind. You invest so much of yourself and one day the other person can decide it’s just not for them. Guess what? That really sucks. A lot. What happened to standing with your sisters? Girl power? Pulling each other up, not down; and whatever other feminist meme is doing the rounds on social media?
So here I am… taking a leap of faith. I met my boyfriend online (and my ex-hubby for that matter)… So why can’t I meet my next new friend online too?
Last Sunday, fuelled with curiosity and a large glass of rum and coke, I took the plunge and signed up to BumbleBFF. Turns out it’s quite fun. I’ve talked to some really lovely women and reassured the bf not to worry if he sees me sat next to him on the sofa swiping left and right.
I’m meeting my first, er… ‘date’ (?), next week for a couple of cocktails and a natter.
Keep your fingers crossed for me… Better still, if you find me on the app, come and say “hi”!